"A Social Gathering"

 “There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met” - Jim Henson

Birthday Boy

As many of you know. Richard's birthday is Saturday the 18th and as I was considering what to do for his birthday, I really struggled. What do you get for a guy who doesn't have a lot of free time for hobbies? For a guy who hasn't expressed a desire for any gifts? For a guy whose schedule wouldn't permit an excursion or outing?  Richard very rarely gets any opportunity to sit, laugh, visit and enjoy himself with friends. He struggles with working on his friendships and relationships because of his schedule limitations and that has been one of our 2015 resolutions (both individually and as a couple). So, I threw him a birthday party or as he called it "A Social Gathering".

 We cooked out, had a few yard games, we laughed, had a fire with smores  (people burned their HIPAA documents) and we truly just enjoyed ourselves. It was so fun to see Richard carrying on with some of the best people we know. 

While we've lived in Greenville and over the past year, we have met so many wonderful people. These are the type of people who you've just met and there isn't any sort of awkward "get to know you period". You enjoy the same things, you are in similar phases of life, you come from relatable backgrounds and for some reason it just works. You click. While some of these relationships are still new and growing, we feel lucky to have met them and look forward to many more memories.

Wonderful friends!

Ryan & Craig (Med Peds Residents)

We also had a few old friends that were there too. I made a point to invite my favorite Wofford Terriers. Blake and Jonathan (Richard's buddies from college who were in our wedding) came up for the weekend. Being around the three of them reminds me so much of the time spent at Wofford. They laugh and carry on just like they used to and despite the craziness of all of our lives, they are such great friends to one another. These are two of my absolute favorite guys in the world and I love being with them (almost as much as Richard does). It's so fun to see how things have changed in our lives. Jonathan is working on a PhD at University of Georgia and Blake is about to graduate from USC School of Medicine. We are so lucky to have these great guys in our lives and savor the limited time we get as a group.

Richard's 21st birthday

Richard's 27th birthday

As we continue to celebrate his birthday week, we will be playing trivia a couple nights this week with some awesome people and on Friday we are headed to Rock Hill to visit with family.  It's hard to believe that in 2009, I helped Richard celebrate his 21st birthday and this week he will celebrate his 27th! It's amazing how time flies and things in life change.

Happy Birthday to Doctor O'Neal! 

March MADNESS

Thank goodness Richard is finished with this last rotation. Today I finally began to see signs that my

Selfies helped me see him 

sweet husband was still alive inside of his exhausted frame.  The past month has flown by (as it seems each month does) but for both of us, the months end was welcomed with open arms. Throughout the month, Richard's alarm chimed everyday around 3:15 am or 3:30 and he was out the door before I could even recover from his alarm going off.  He would come home on average around 7 pm. Of course, there are were a few days when he came home around 6:15 but more often this rotation there were later days. He would come home pale and exhausted having worked so hard to do his best for the patients. Richard is 100% of the time a more positive, peppy and encouraging individual than myself and this month it was hard to see him so tired from his hospital life.  The cause: lots of difficult cases, challenging patients/families and the constant need to give 200% to every case.  When he walked into the house last night after work, he had a look of relief on his face that he (we) had survived what he considers his worst month yet.

Richard is on an elective rotation now and he was home by 5:30 tonight. Hurray!!!!  He smiled, laughed, cooked me a great dinner and for the first time in 30ish days, he did not have dictations or computer documentation to do post dinner.

At a wedding in New Orleans
with my best friend, Brooke.

Due to the craziness of the past month and Richard's schedule permitting only 1 day off a week (which never coincided with my weekends off), we basically lived separate lives for the month. I did an insane amount of traveling for various reasons (bridal shower, conference and wedding) and work had me much busier than it has in a while. It was so nice to finally come home last weekend and know that I would be sleeping in my own bed without interruption for a while.

Richard's Greenhouse

With the little bit of daylight that Richard has seen, he's spent a lot of time piddling around our garden. He has worked hard to get things ready so that we'll have lots of vegetables to eat this summer. Out of the blue we had a random night of freezing temperatures (after our plants were in the ground) and Richard created a little green house that seems to have protected our plants very well.

Luka is loving the warm weather 

This month we don't have anything too wild and crazy planned. Richard has his birthday in a little over a week. We will be celebrating his 27th year of life with family and friends in a few different ways. We will also be making a quick trip to Denver to visit with my 91 year old grandmother and a few family members that live there. Both of my parents and my aunts will be visiting as well.

Our Garden

This is our first spring in the house and we love coming home to see what new plants have bloomed in the yard. It is so fun to see what the previous owners planted and working in the yard brings us a lot of happiness.  In the book that I am reading as part of my Side-by-Side bible study or what I commonly call "my support group", we are continuing to read Prescription for the Doctor's Wife. In our most recent chapter, the author shares a quote that hangs in her home and it reads, " Bloom where you are planted."  Seeing all the beautiful
flowers blooming, this quote has been my mantra since reading it.

As things are always up in the air with this crazy lifestyle that we're in, Richard and I are truly blooming. He had an incredible review come in last night that spoke about his compassion and his truly wonderful ability to care for patients. He is blossoming at the hospital in ways that I cannot see daily, but when I do hear it I am overwhelmed with pride for him.  I finally truly feel that I'm "blooming" in my relationships with people here in Greenville and that I am developing that much needed support system.  And together, we are blooming in our ability to survive bad months of not seeing one another and supporting one another throughout this journey. Thank you for helping us "bloom" with your love and support. We are truly grateful to our friends and family as we navigate these unknown territories.

Tulips "blooming" in our yard

February: The Wintery blur

Spring is finally beginning to show its beautiful face here in Greenville. After a cold and occasionally snowy winter, there are signs all around us that it is almost over.  February was a blur of a month and March is quickly passing us by.  Richard was on a geriatric rotation for the month of February and after a few rough months with very little quality time together, we were able to enjoy time with one another (and very often many friends/family). 

 Richard’s first free weekend of the month we had my parents, my aunt & uncle plus some hilarious friends come visit for a fun weekend.  We saw Wicked and ate some wonderful food around town. The following weekend, my bff from childhood came for a quick weekend and we got to see Jason Mraz in concert at the Peace Center.  Poor Richard came down with an awful stomach bug just as Brooke was leaving. It was pitiful to see him so sick but thankfully it was only a 36 hour bug and before I knew it he was requesting a hotdog for lunch! The next weekend we headed to Rock Hill for a visit with Richard’s family where we got to spend good quality time with all of the grandparents, his aunt and uncle, his brother Rob and of course his parents.  Our final weekend we got to spend some good time with one another but yet again we were busy.

The month flew by so quickly and we honestly only had 1 day of just us working in the yard/ doing nothing but being able to spend time with important people was worth everything! Richard’s elective rotations are so few and far between that when he has weekends free we feel the need to go see and visit with people we never have the opportunity to check in with otherwise. As of Monday (3/9) the 3:45 am alarm clock is once again going off and Richard heads into the hospital for long days. This month he will have 1 day off a week (all week days this month) and will be working roughly 80 hours a week. As he kissed me goodbye Monday morning, I jokingly said “see you next month” but there is some truth to the statement.  Luckily this rotation isn’t nearly as bad as some of the others that he has had and we will be able to enjoy dinners together at night. 

In this past rotation we both made an effort to reach out and get involved more with the church that we attend. We attended a community group (week night bible study/ Sunday school class) and met a lot of wonderful people. I've also joined a group of women whose husbands are also physicians. We've got a spectrum of ages from resident wives to women who are seasoned veterans in this life style. It's been a wonderful support and has been very insightful about so many topics. I've enjoyed meeting a few of the other resident spouses and developing friendships with these awesome women. It has been very rewarding for both us to get involved in various groups and it has made use feel more connected to Greenville in an entirely different way. 

We absolutely loved having so many people come visit us in February and hope that this trend will continue throughout 2015.  Richard will finish this next bad month in time for his birthday and then we'll have back to back elective rotations in April and May! Thank you for those of you who support us, call to check in on us, send us letters, who love us and remain constants in our lives. We could not get through this difficult intern year without you.  

A New Year's update on Dr. O'Neal and our life

We have officially survived the 6 month mark with intern year- Hallelujah. It is a wonderful feeling to know that we’re half way through surviving the most brutal year of Richard’s residency.  Since the beginning of residency, Richard has come home with both wonderful and sad stories, my favorite ones being where he did something incredible on the patients behalf. He has such a wonderful passion for helping people and doing what is right for both the patient and family. I love seeing him passionate about things and passionate about his work at the hospital. If he was not in love with his work, then being a resident spouse would be a much harder job.  The long hours plus the limited time that he and I get together is emotionally exhausting at times. 

For example, yesterday Richard left the house at 4:30 am and he walked in the door at 9. After eating together for 15/20 minutes he spent the next 1.5 – 2 hours doing dictations.  At 11:30 he finally came to bed and left the house at the same time again today. Days or weeks where this is the norm become frustrating and emotionally draining.  I am amazed that his body allows him to keep functioning. I’ll be honest that we are both counting down the days until this insane rotation is over.  February will be a wonderful respite after 2 insane months with limited quality time together (with the exception of Christmas week).

Richard and I had the opportunity to spend some of the holidays with family. We ventured up to Rock Hill for Thanksgiving and spent a week on the Hawaiian Island of Kauai with my family for Christmas. Hawaii was the first time in December that we had spent any amount of time together and we truly haven’t had that since. The other week I was able to sneak away from the office to do computer work at home and it happened that Richard had a lighter caseload too. I was able to meet him at the hospital for some Chick-fil-A.  Like a flash he came whirling into the dining area. I swear it was like a superhero with a cape how quickly he was moving and how his white coat flew in the air behind him.  It was remarkable to see my Doctor in his work environment and see how much he thrives in it. It was so fun and I loved every minute we spent together during that little lunch date.

Other than Richard’s 90 hour weeks at the hospital and lack of sleep, he is doing wonderfully. He is loved by everyone at the hospital and he makes me so proud everyday.  Our pup, Luka is doing very well. His doggy rest was lifted right after Christmas and in May they will do blood tests to make sure that his heart worms are officially gone. While on bed rest and prednisone, he put on a bit of weight. He loves having the freedom to run around again and is slimming down. My work is really keeping me busy (2 of the upstate social workers have left the company) and I feel like I’m running around with my head cut off. Over the past few months I have started getting out and doing more things. I find that it’s healthier for me as a spouse to get out and do things that keep me busy. Instead of sitting at home pining for my sweet husband. I’ve become an advisor for my college sorority and am so happy to have Delta Zeta back in my life.  The girls are wonderful to work with, it’s fun and it keeps me busy. I have been going to church more (sans Richard) and have signed up to join a dinner group through church. I spend time with a couple of the residents wives and have enjoyed developing friendships with women who understand the challenges associated with being married to a resident.  

The past 6 months have been an incredible growing time for him, for me and for us as a couple. Everyday has its challenges but who doesn’t face those in life? In marriage? In work?  I am so happy to support him and see him take more steps towards becoming an incredible physician. Thank you for all of those who support us , think about us and love us.  Please come visit us in our awesome city (we have a guest room). We are both confident that 2015 has a lot in store for us.

We're Homeowners!

When Richard and I moved to Greenville in 2012 we quickly fell in love with this awesome town. It is a beautiful town set beside the foothills of the mountains. There is so much to do, a vibrant downtown, incredible hikes close by and many other wonderful attributes. After a few months we began talking about the possibility of staying for residency and if that didn't happen, we had hopes of one day returning to raise a family in this town. As time approached for us to pick a number 1 for residency, it was a no brainier for us. After match day we began the daunting task of looking to possibly find a house. We met with a lender and began to Zillow every night before finding a Realtor. We stumbled across a small number of houses that we liked and even put in an offer on one. That house was not meant to be and fell through right before we left for Italy. We decided that we wouldn't think about it until after our trip. We returned from Italy with a renewed energy and picked out 5 houses to see later in the week.

Back-story: Before our trip to Italy we had seen a house that we loved and on the day we went back for a second look the house was already under contract. The man had brought the house and had completely flipped it. Before we left for Italy I had looked up online who the owner of the home was and through the county website found that had had purchased a 2^nd property.  We were so impressed by what he had done with the other house that we wanted to see his 2^nd property.

Jump back to present day: Right after we got back from Italy,while I was at work, Richard was driving around looking at the homes that we were to see the next day. He just so happened to go to the street where the man’s second home was. In front of the house was a For Sale By Owner sign. Richard called the man and he stated that the contractor would be there today and that we could stop in for a look around 5. We quickly contacted our Realtor and at 5 we went. The house was wonderful! It had been completely gutted and had been given new life. No more wood paneling or green shag carpet.  The house was updated and immediately clicked with us. We put in an offer that night and were under contract by morning.

The timing couldn't have been any more perfect. Our lease was up on our rental property and although it’s been a wonderful little first house for us, we were ready to make something our own and begin the next phase of our life.  The entire process was fairly smoothly with the exception a few little hick ups. We closed at 11:30am on the 30^th and the movers arrived at 2 (for  anyone in the upstate needing movers- Tiger Moving did an incredible job). We had to be completely out by the 31^st so the new renters could be in.

After returning from Chicago to a house almost entirely full of boxes, we are slowly making headway. Richard has been a wonderful "Mr. Mom" going through and unpacking while I'm at work. We spend the evenings together out in the yard with Luka running around in the background. We have a lot of little projects that we hope to do while in the home and are enjoying having a place to call our own.



Please let me know if you need our address. I plan to send out a note with our new address for those important friends and family in our lives. We also have graduation and birthday thank you notes that we need to send and will once we find our cards in the box room ( I promise they will be sent out ASAP). Thank you for being on this adventure with us and know that we are very thankful to have you in our lives.

Introducing, Dr. O'Neal

On May 9^th, Richard along with his classmates graduated from the University of South Carolina School of Medicine. Four years of very hard work, an ungodly amount of loan money, countless tests, 2 horrible board exams, lots of hours in the classroom and hospital finally brought us to this day. Both of our families came together for the first time since our wedding and it was pretty incredible. We have one awesome family and I was really reminded of that last weekend.

Being with Richard as he prepared to graduate brought so many emotions to my mind and heart. I’ve been with Richard for almost 6 years and since the moment I met him, this has been his dream. We struggled through dating while he studied for and took his MCAT, we waited with anticipation when he submitted applications to medical school, I cried when he got accepted to USCSOM and we stood together as he adventured through medical school.

Richards’s graduation ceremony was a beautiful thing. I had so much pride for my husband as he entered that room, got hooded as Dr. O’Neal and took his Hippocratic Oath as a doctor of medicine. The speakers were wonderful and I maintained my composure throughout the entire thing until his classmate spoke. Richard’s classmate eloquently spoke about his wife and the support she has given him. He cried while thanking her and this made my own flood gates open.

Being the spouse of a student is a role that can easily be overlooked.  Being married to a medical student (or any form of student) is incredibly trying. As a spouse you are responsible for being the full financial supporter for your family, you must be accepting of the student loan debt that you inherit with marriage, and you must be the emotional supporter when he comes home after an awful day-- all while helping keep your lives together.   At lunch, Richard’s grandma told me “you’ve earned part of that degree” and those words meant more to me than I can say. I am so proud of what he has accomplished in medical school, I am proud of myself for rolling with the punches and proud of what we as a couple have accomplished together.

After the ceremony I was able to hug Richard and tell him how proud of him I am. Seeing him in his green gown with the new title Dr. O’Neal was remarkable. Being with Richard and seeing him finally achieve his dream is emotionally overwhelming. He is going be one heck of a Doctor and he is going to touch the lives of so many people. His passion for medicine and desire to heal people is both intoxicating and contagious.  

This is just the beginning of our journey and although we are in for a bumpier road with residency, it is a wonderful feeling to know that we are one step closer to the final destination. We are so lucky to have our friends and family who have been there throughout this journey. Your support means more to us than we can express. Although you may not see very much of us together (Richard will have very little time off during residency) over the next few years, know that we are so thankful to have you in our lives.  

Debt

With today being Richard's LAST day of Medical School, I find that we are beginning to have a lot of discussions about loan repayment. Loan repayment is very intimidating and as it begins to creep up on us, I felt the need to discuss a little bit of it.

When I share my life with people their response always is "it'll be worth it one day because he will be making tons of money" or the "big bucks". This sort of comment really ruffles my feathers but I often take this as a moment for education. What so many people don't realize is the free time that doctors give up, the short leash that the hospital puts them on or the amount of debt that young doctors are in and how long it will take them to get out of the red. Doctors do all of these things because they are passionate about medicine, passionate about caring for people and passionate about educating them.They are able to looked beyond the ever increasing dollar amount that continues grow and plague their lives simultaneously. They do this in order to achieve their dreams.

In speaking with multiple medical students, it is very common for them to have accrued somewhere around 200,000 dollars in debt.  Following their graduation from medical school, these new doctors will be starting their residency programs where on average the salary is 48-50,000 dollars a year. For most, this does not include the costs for any benefits.  It also does not include, living expenses, car insurance or any other "real life" expenses. Six months following their graduation, medical students will have to begin paying on these student loans with a significant amount of interest on top of the 200,000 dollars (+ 30,000 dollars in interest).

Over the next 10 years, we will devote a large portion of our monthly income to paying off this debt.  I have been blessed with an incredible job that over the last 2 years has allowed us to take out only the necessary money for tuition and not worry about living expenses. Richard and I have talked about how fortunate we are to be in a position where we can do this as a couple with two salaries. One salary to keep ourselves a float and the other to pay off loans. It is a terrifying to think that very soon we will begin paying on all of this debt and that this will be a huge part of our lives until 2024!

The salary of a doctor is not what it once was due to cutbacks and reimbursements. The days of private practice are over and this next generation of doctors has been told to "expect to work for a hospital".

The dream of becoming a doctor, a dentist, a veterinarian, a lawyer and many other professions all come with a hefty price: DEBT.

A few months back, I came across an article that did an awesome job discussing this subject. I urge you to read this if you haven't already. http://finance.yahoo.com/news/went-230-000-debt-become-135821351.html