Adoption and Baby O'Neal

For many varying reasons, adoption has been a recent topic of conversation with people in my life. Adoption, as those of you who know me is an important topic that is near and dear to my heart. It is the reason I am a social worker and it is the reason that I have the beautiful life that I do.  In 1987, a young woman made the hardest decision that she possibly could have... she left her newborn infant at the hospital to be given a better chance at life. It is something that I don't dwell on or think about with the exception of rare moments where I am so thankful for that incredibly difficult decision. I cannot imagine the feelings that she must have felt leaving her baby someplace with people she didn't know with only the hope that I would be able to thrive in my new life (something I believe she knew that she could not provide).

Me with my awesome parents and Mercedes (the founder of FANA)

My recent conversations with various people in regards to adoption have mostly been about the struggles that adopted children often face due to their individual struggles with abandonment, cultural identify or feeling that they aren't complete in some way or just don't belong. I have known a number of adopted children who fit somewhere along this spectrum or who are struggling with their identity (or have struggled) but I have also known people who are understanding of their early life circumstances and are not searching for closure beyond what is available in their current lives.  There will always children who vary on this spectrum and their life circumstances will absolutely play into these feelings. I've talked with my mom countless times about why I have never struggled with wanting to know who my birth mother is or why I was abandoned or any of the other countless questions that adopted children have. In my own case, there was never the possibility of finding my birth mother because she never provided documentation with her name and I was actually abandoned (no papers were signed to terminate her parental rights).  Beginning as far back as I can remember, adoption was always an open topic of conversation (should I want it to be), my parents both encouraged/supported my involvement in FANA (my orphanage) and my interest in the Colombian culture. These are the things I attribute to my understanding and acceptance of my early life circumstances (plus I have a really awesome family that I am thankful for).

There are people that I continue encounter in my life who are fixated on my adoption or the fact that I "am an orphan". I will be absolutely honest when I say I really really dislike the word "Orphan", I might even say that I hate the word. I understand that the bible, journal articles and many adoption program use this word but as an adopted child I find extremely offensive, negative and it attaches a stigma to me that is only relevant for the first 9 months of my life (due to circumstances that I could not control). I am not an orphan as I have 2 wonderful parents who raised me.  Mercedes, the founder of my orphanage spoke about her love of uniting "families with a child" not "children with a family". She looked at the adopting parents as the ones who were missing something that would make their hearts complete. I love this perspective and philosophy because there are needs being filled on both side of the adoption.. It is not just children in need of a family or parents. We have dear friends who are currently in pursuit of making their family complete through the process of adoption and it has made me reflect on a lot of these things (in addition to my conversations with other people).   I am so excited for them and this incredible adventure that they are bravely starting. It is an adventure in search of making their hearts full, making their family feel more complete and most importantly it is a journey about being able to love a beautiful child.


Our awesome wedding photographer wrote a beautiful book, which I pre-ordered prior to its publication date in June of 2012. It is called, You are so Special, Little One and it talks about the special process of adoption. It is the story of a young adopted child who is asking her mother questions related to her own adoption story. I absolutely recommend it to those of you with little kids, who know someone with an adopted child, if you have an adopted child or for those of you who maybe just love adoption.

As Richard and I prepare to have our own journey into parenthood, I can't help but think about my adoption. For most people, having a child that looks like you is a concept that one might not even think about. For me, it is an amazing and mind blowing reality of what will come with the birth of our child. When we become parents, it will be the the first time in my entire life that I am going to have someone that looks like me in some way. It might just be my nose or my dark eyes and hair but it will be someone who is genetically related to me.  I will be able to look at my newborn picture and compare it to this baby's newborn picture and hopefully (unless it takes 100% after Richard), there will be similarities. Now I know this may seem like a normal concept to those of you who have someone in your life that you're biologically related to, but for me it takes my excitement for this baby to a new level... a more emotional/meaningful level. Richard and I continue to be thrilled about this journey. We are thankful for each and every life event that has brought us to where we are at point; especially my adoption and everything involved with it. I am thankful for the decision my birth mother made but more importantly I am forever blessed by the choice my parents made when they decided to expand their family.