Adoption and Baby O'Neal

For many varying reasons, adoption has been a recent topic of conversation with people in my life. Adoption, as those of you who know me is an important topic that is near and dear to my heart. It is the reason I am a social worker and it is the reason that I have the beautiful life that I do.  In 1987, a young woman made the hardest decision that she possibly could have... she left her newborn infant at the hospital to be given a better chance at life. It is something that I don't dwell on or think about with the exception of rare moments where I am so thankful for that incredibly difficult decision. I cannot imagine the feelings that she must have felt leaving her baby someplace with people she didn't know with only the hope that I would be able to thrive in my new life (something I believe she knew that she could not provide).

Me with my awesome parents and Mercedes (the founder of FANA)

My recent conversations with various people in regards to adoption have mostly been about the struggles that adopted children often face due to their individual struggles with abandonment, cultural identify or feeling that they aren't complete in some way or just don't belong. I have known a number of adopted children who fit somewhere along this spectrum or who are struggling with their identity (or have struggled) but I have also known people who are understanding of their early life circumstances and are not searching for closure beyond what is available in their current lives.  There will always children who vary on this spectrum and their life circumstances will absolutely play into these feelings. I've talked with my mom countless times about why I have never struggled with wanting to know who my birth mother is or why I was abandoned or any of the other countless questions that adopted children have. In my own case, there was never the possibility of finding my birth mother because she never provided documentation with her name and I was actually abandoned (no papers were signed to terminate her parental rights).  Beginning as far back as I can remember, adoption was always an open topic of conversation (should I want it to be), my parents both encouraged/supported my involvement in FANA (my orphanage) and my interest in the Colombian culture. These are the things I attribute to my understanding and acceptance of my early life circumstances (plus I have a really awesome family that I am thankful for).

There are people that I continue encounter in my life who are fixated on my adoption or the fact that I "am an orphan". I will be absolutely honest when I say I really really dislike the word "Orphan", I might even say that I hate the word. I understand that the bible, journal articles and many adoption program use this word but as an adopted child I find extremely offensive, negative and it attaches a stigma to me that is only relevant for the first 9 months of my life (due to circumstances that I could not control). I am not an orphan as I have 2 wonderful parents who raised me.  Mercedes, the founder of my orphanage spoke about her love of uniting "families with a child" not "children with a family". She looked at the adopting parents as the ones who were missing something that would make their hearts complete. I love this perspective and philosophy because there are needs being filled on both side of the adoption.. It is not just children in need of a family or parents. We have dear friends who are currently in pursuit of making their family complete through the process of adoption and it has made me reflect on a lot of these things (in addition to my conversations with other people).   I am so excited for them and this incredible adventure that they are bravely starting. It is an adventure in search of making their hearts full, making their family feel more complete and most importantly it is a journey about being able to love a beautiful child.


Our awesome wedding photographer wrote a beautiful book, which I pre-ordered prior to its publication date in June of 2012. It is called, You are so Special, Little One and it talks about the special process of adoption. It is the story of a young adopted child who is asking her mother questions related to her own adoption story. I absolutely recommend it to those of you with little kids, who know someone with an adopted child, if you have an adopted child or for those of you who maybe just love adoption.

As Richard and I prepare to have our own journey into parenthood, I can't help but think about my adoption. For most people, having a child that looks like you is a concept that one might not even think about. For me, it is an amazing and mind blowing reality of what will come with the birth of our child. When we become parents, it will be the the first time in my entire life that I am going to have someone that looks like me in some way. It might just be my nose or my dark eyes and hair but it will be someone who is genetically related to me.  I will be able to look at my newborn picture and compare it to this baby's newborn picture and hopefully (unless it takes 100% after Richard), there will be similarities. Now I know this may seem like a normal concept to those of you who have someone in your life that you're biologically related to, but for me it takes my excitement for this baby to a new level... a more emotional/meaningful level. Richard and I continue to be thrilled about this journey. We are thankful for each and every life event that has brought us to where we are at point; especially my adoption and everything involved with it. I am thankful for the decision my birth mother made but more importantly I am forever blessed by the choice my parents made when they decided to expand their family.

O'Neal Summer

It’s hard to believe that August is here. Where did the past 3 months go?   Richard and I have had a fairly busy summer in addition to our big news. We’ve done some traveling and had a great time in all of the places we’ve been.

May

May was pretty busy for both of us with work. Richard’s schedule was jam packed and at my office we had a lot of admissions plus more home patients.  We attended a wedding of a sorority sister and went to Disney World with my family.  The wedding was beautiful with lots of familiar faces. Disney (as always) was a blast. Our first night there, we had dinner plans at one of our favorite restaurants. It was there that we told my family about our big news. My dad had a birthday coming up, in addition to father’s day so we brought him a birthday gift. My sister is expecting a baby as well, so on the very top of the bag,  we gave him a mickey mouse onesie. We said that is for “baby Blankenheim” and they thought it was adorable. My Dad commented on there being other things in the bag and I told him to read the card first. The card was for “Grandparents-to-be” and inside we had written “surprise…when it rains, it pours”.  Below that card was an additional onesie for a newborn.  He held up both of the outfits and everyone was very excited. People in the restaurant had been watching us through the windows and one girl asked me if we were having twins! It was a perfect spot (one that means a lot to my family) for us to share such exciting news with them. Absolutely this was one for Bruce family history books. It was a wonderful trip and the parks weren’t crowded yet.  The only struggle was that as an “expectant mother” your rides are limited. I made friends with quite a few moms-to-be in little sitting areas while we all waited for our family members who were on the rides.  We ate so much good food and rode almost everything we wanted to (minus the Rockin Roller-Coaster which was shut down). It's hard to believe that on our next trip to Disney, there there will be 2 little Bruce grandchildren in tow. 

June

June was not as busy as the majority of things that we had scheduled had to be cancelled due to the awful 1st trimester fatigue. I didn’t move from the couch most weekends in June as even little things exhausted me. Richard did a great job taking over dinners and encouraging me to sleep as much as I felt that I needed. In very early June, we were able to tell Richard’s parents about our big news. As a little boy, Richard had a Mickey Mouse fishing rod, so we bought Richard’s Dad a Mickey Mouse fishing rod and give it to him. We told lots of Richard’s family within the same 24 hours as everyone lives in Rock Hill and we wanted to be able to tell as many people in person as possible. We were so happy that we had that opportunity to tell everyone in person and share in the excitement with them.

July

Over the 4^th of July weekend, we had some very close family friends visit for the weekend. Noah (the son) was the ring bearer in our wedding and since 2012 has grown so much. Dylan (his sister) is also so big and they loved the idea of us having a baby...or as she said it “a little cousin”. They brought sweet baby gifts that they had taken time to pick out with purpose and they were so excited for us to open them. It really warmed my heart.  The following weekend, my best friend got married. It was extremely hot in Charleston for the wedding week/weekend but that didn’t bother anyone associated with the group. Seeing her in her wedding dress with a huge smile on her face brought me so much joy. Brooke is someone that I have known for over 20 years and consider a sister. I loved being there to witness her beautiful marriage to an awesome guy.

Finally, we ended the month by going to Lewisburg for a very quick weekend (Drove ½ way Thursday, arrived Friday and drove home Sunday).  A dear friend from middle and high school got married. The groom is Irish and his family came from Ireland for the week. It was so fun to finally meet the groom, to meet his sweet family, to see a real Irish blessing (in Gaelic), see the bride marry her special guy and to visit with friends from high school that I have not seen in forever.  It was the first time in about 2 years that we had gotten to visit Lewisburg and it was great to be able to spend time walking around my parent’s property and seeing the sights of the small town. Luka absolutely loved running around such a big property and having free reign of the farm. It confirmed with us that someday we’d love to get a nice piece of property that our family and animals can run around on.

Upon arrival home, Richard and I quickly went to bed because his alarm was set to go off at 430 am. The relaxing elective month had come to an end and the busy hospital month was beginning. Richard became an upper-level resident in July and on his new rotation is responsible for teaching and looking after the interns who began July 1.  We enjoyed our busy summer months and loved getting the chance to celebrate so many great things with our friends and family.